I got lost in the knowing versus doing GAP!
Communication is the central focus of my coaching practice. I support Leaders to become impactful Leaders of influence. I have studied, observed, and practiced Conversational Intelligence™ for nearly a decade. I am completely convinced that when Leaders (anyone for that matter) listen to connect, not judge or reject, they can build a Team that works efficiently and creatively together. They create cultures where ideas are debated, and personality differences are appreciated and respected. Listening to connect makes the difference between great and mediocre Leaders.
I am a product of the product. I practice what I preach….most of the time.
Last week I was chatting with a new connection. I said something that prompted him to exclaim…” that brings up so many questions”. I immediately reacted, and gave a full explanation, answering the question that he had NOT actually asked. While the topic was still of interest to him, he did not interrupt me, but later he commented that he was going to ask about something else I had said.
Caught in my own web! I can get on a soapbox about Conversational Intelligence™ and hold my coachees accountable to the practice. And here I was breaking many of my dearly held values and practices:
- I made an ASSumption about the meaning of what he said.
- I did not pause to check if I understood what he said.
- I reacted to his facial expression and assumed meaning.
- I didn’t wait for the end of what he was saying rather, I prepared in my mind to say things before he finished speaking. In short…
- I did not listen with the intent to understand.
As a result, I did not connect as well as I could have had I listened with curiosity.
Thankfully, he pointed out my ‘communication miss’ in a manner that I accepted and was grateful to hear. He did not judge me, yet he did give me feedback that I could use.
If this exchange had been between a Leader and a Team Member, trust would have begun to erode. One example might seem inconsequential. If the Team Member feels uncomfortable raising the issue with the Leader, this small miss forms the basis for continued patterns of communication that feeds confusion and disconnect.
Listening is an active sport. It takes intention and attention. It is one of the most valuable renewable resources that Leaders have at their disposal. Every opportunity to connect in conversation is an opportunity to build trust and resilient relationships.